Fellowship and Grace

The Fellowship of the Believers

42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe[a] came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  Acts 2: 42-47

Waiting is hard.  Not knowing when/where/how is hard.  Adam and I are East Coasters through and through.  When we expect a contractor between 1 and 2, at 1:15 we consider that person late.  Waiting in limbo for a rubber stamp is hard.  Yet, there are some bright moments.  

Let me tell you about my friend JR.  If it wasn't for JR we wouldn't be in this place.  Bless her.  If it wasn't for her we would have never made that initial call.  If it wasn't through a Catholic group that we belong to we would have never laid eyes on our Kuya.  And, if it wasn't because of her…I wouldn't make it.  She is waiting too.  And it's hard.  When I was pregnant, we knew Z would come.  We knew when.  We we were going through the foster process, every Sunday, I prayed the chaplet of St. Joseph, the ultimate foster/adoptive Dad.  We knew it would happen and we knew the need was great.  We knew it would happen.  Here, there are no set times and the time that are set are not always exacting.  I can honestly say I would have thrown my hands up if it wasn't for JR.  It's easier, together.

And let me tell you about AA.  AA gave us gifts that no one else in the world could gives us.  She gave us precious pictures and videos of our Kuya.  She invited us into her home to talk with Kuya.  She stopped her life, gave of her time, so we could talk with him.  Had it not been for her, we would not be in this place.  Had it not been for AA we would not have felt so sure that this was our boy. 

And HG.  Where do I start with gratitude for HG.  I hope I never forget the first time I talked with HG. She was so compassionate.  I was so worried that we would start fundraising and miss a payment and be thrown out of the program.  I was afraid that if we took too long or could't raise the money that we would have cost a little precious time of finding a risk family that could afford him.  She told me that our agency cared far more about making sure children had homes than kicking someone for being late.  

Then there is JP.  JP has lifted me up in the taxing wait.  She has been through this rodeo before.  She has given me grace to be real.  No pretense.  And she reminds me what her eyes are set on.  Seeing through her eyes helps me lift my spirit--reading her words has lifted my heart to meet hers when its hard.  

And then there is AD.  I was worried when we moved to the suburbs.  Really worried.  I am not a Stepford Mom.  I often get lipstick on my teeth and my clothes are never ironed right.  How would we find community in a WASP suburb when we are anything but….Ok…so I guess we are the W…could make the argument that we are AS… and I grew up as a P…. But we are not WASP-y.  We work in social justice and public health.  We are a trans-racial family.  We teach our kids about civil rights and advocacy.  But, we also wanted high-performing free schools and a yard for our kids.  That meant the suburbs.  How would I ever fit in?  How would I ever make friends in my less-than-perfect-ness.  Then I met AD.  And she gives me grace every, single day.  She has seen my house at the absolute grossest and my kids at their whiniest.  And…she doesn't care.  Let that sink in.  She doesn't care about my messiness.  She gives me grace to be real.  To be me.  

And then…there is CH.  I don't know CH.  I don't know who does know CH.  Yet, I woke up this week to find a donation from CH.  Because of our community of believers and friends sharing our story--a complete stranger to us has been moved to help us bring our son home.  I do not have words for how humbling and moving this is.  

Fundraising is hard.  We've pinched pennies everywhere.  I've spent long nights working on adoption fundraising and my school and work has felt the strain.  My kids have felt the strain of Mommy being pulled.  My husband has felt the strain of a wife who has far fewer hours to spend doing the things I normally do.  There are friendships and relationships that I have neglected terribly…and then neglected more because I was embarrassed I'd neglected so long.  And, I still have to work on mending those bonds…especially my most cherished friend.  Adoption is not for the faint of heart.  International adoption is not for Type-A, impatient…(oops).  Adoption is for the community of believers.  

Without these people, and all the folks that are loving us and supporting us, I would've thrown my hands up long ago.  This is community.  This is fellowship.  This is a community of believers coming together for a good and just purpose.  This is what keeps me going.  Thanks to the grace the folks above have shown me, I feel ok being real.  This is hard.